11 Apr 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant / Remove stress and depression

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It’s okay not to be okay
I attended an event in Manchester yesterday at UK Fast. The topic was all about wellbeing and mental health, and also how this is managed in the workplace.

There were a wealth of speakers including an extremely successful multi-million pound business owner who was brave enough to speak about something he had never talked to anyone about for over 30 years. The other speakers, who were all entrepreneurs discussed various types of mental health issues, and all talked about their own personal experiences. These are all successful people, who at some point in their lives have suffered some type of mental health issue.

There were two common themes of the event.

1) It’s okay to not be okay.
2) It’s okay to actually talk about this stuff.

There should be no stigma any more. Our mental wellbeing and mindset should be looked after as much as, if not more than our physical health. Our brain is a muscle and it needs to be taken care of.

Having difficulty with some kind of mental health issue is completely okay. And it’s okay to be open about it. It won’t only be you suffering, there are many out there going though exactly the same experience.

Are you or someone you know struggling due to mental health issues as a result of either a traumatic life experience? Suffering with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, or any other trauma? It’s okay to talk. There is help and support available. There should be no stigma around this any more. Talk to someone you know, or a professional.

If you are unsure what to say, talk to someone about how you are feeling and perhaps what effect this is having on your life. Please don’t hesitate to get in contact for more information or to talk about how I can help you, today, and much quicker than you might think too.
I use practical tools and techniques in a non judgmental environment. The setting within which I work is both relaxed and informal.
Trust me, you don’t need to suffer anymore. 
09 Mar 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant / Changing mindset

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Visualisation? A load of old rubbish, or does it actually work amazingly well?

What are your thoughts on visualisation? You might have simply heard of it and thought its just a load of old codswallop.

You may have wondered what it is, and wondered how it may be able to help you. You might have had a go and thought it didn’t work. You could have tried and had amazing success. Or perhaps this has been something that you have been taught as part of your job role, or you have learned on a personal level – and experienced great results.

I am going to tell you more about visualisation, what it is, why it is so powerful, and how it can help you, in the most incredible way. I will also provide some ideas and top tips to help you along your way.

Firstly, what is visualisation? It is the art of creating a compelling image in your mind of what it is you wish to achieve. In my view, it is by far, one of the most under-utilised tools we have at our immediate disposal.

Your subconscious mind, which controls the most part of your powerful resource doesn’t actually know the difference between reality and imagination. So your brain see’s nothing different between doing something and visualising it.

There has been much research conducted around this, whereby control groups and experiment groups are asked to repeat a task, so learn something over a period of time, such as playing a piano. One group was told to actually rehearse the task. The other group was told simply to imagine, or visualise rehearsing the task. When both samples were tested, there was actually no difference between the performance of the group who actually practiced the routine compared to the group that simply visualised the task. Amazing hey! That is just one example, there are several more.

Did you know that sports psychologists and peak performance experts have actually been practicing visualisation techniques since the 1980’s? So this concept isn’t some new, or ’woo woo’, as you may initially be thinking.

So if peak performance experts and olympic sports performer practice the art of visualisation to achieve their supercharged goals, why can’t you?

Clients will usually come to me because there is something they want to change. It is with frustration and bemusement, that they can’t change what they need to. Like yesterday. We all want immediate and quick wins don’t we. So why is this the case, why can’t we change something quickly? Firstly, we have been thinking this way for a long time. Secondly, because we often focus on what we don’t want, or what we don’t have, rather than what we actually desire or wish to change. The mind is often in lack. Then guess what? – We will attract more of what we don’t actually want. We actually create mental rehearsal images as we do so, thus repeating the same behaviour.

Lets then turn this around. Lets visualise and imagine what we want, rather than what we don’t want.

If you would like to start visualising to achieve success in your life, here are some tips and ideas to get you started.

  • Visualising is actually really simple. It takes no effort whatsoever. You simply need to relax, close your eyes. And show up. Ideally every day.
  • Have a think what is it you actually want. Don’t be fluffy and go around the houses. Be specific and have firm intention and focus.
  • Spend five minutes every single day just after you wake up, closing your eyes and visualising what it is you want. Make the images dramatic, bold and detailed. Imagine yourself being exactly where you want to be. If for example it is being in your dream house, imagine walking though every room in the house and using all your senses to be there. Imagine the sight, sounds, and the feeling as you walk round. Really be in that scene.
  • Fill any images you focus on with real emotion. And imagine you are there right now. Not in the future, or anywhere else. You are there and you have achieved this fantastic life for yourself, whatever that may look like.

A quick caveat. Clients will often say to me that they can’t visualise very well, or that they can’t actually see anything. No problem at all, it simply means you are either not used to it, or you are more of a feeling person like me. If that is the case, once again close your eyes, and really imagine the feeling of the event or the scene you wish to create. Also remember that the subconscious mind thinks in pictures. So if I said to you, whatever you do, don’t think of purple elephant wearing giant poker dot wellies. …. You get the picture. See what I did there!

I want to leave with this. It works!! I use visualisation in my life, in order to create the life I want as part of my daily routine. And all those experts are using it to their advantage, so they can achieve their desired goals and successes. So what are you waiting for? Go for it! – I’m looking forward to hearing how you have been getting on.

Janine teaches visualisation strategies to her clients as part of her work as a specialist in her field. And she see’s amazing results, time and time again. Clients are taught powerful techniques that literally change their lives overnight, and they don’t look back.

Janine works with organisations and corporate clients. She also has a private practice where she see’s clients on an individual basis. She utilises bespoke programmes to work with you in helping you achieve your desired goals and outcomes. Please contact her direct for more information – [email protected] 

27 Feb 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant

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Social anxiety, no confidence and poor sleep? – Not any more!

I want to share with you a story about a client I had been working with for a couple of months.

When this client first came to see me, he had difficulties with the following – anxiety in social situations, a lack of confidence and he was suffering with poor sleep.

My client was initially unsure of what sessions would look like in terms of helping him move forward. However, he knew what his goal was – to be free of all these issues, to enable his life to be fulfilled and stress free.

We spent time in session whereby I taught my client simple practical tools and techniques to begin to change his life around. I also taught him about mindset strategies and allowed him to understand, if we have created these old programmes, we can uncreate them. Easily and successfully.

My client bounced into session last week. He was is not the same person who walked into my therapy room at his first session. At the start of last weeks session we reviewed my clients goals in order to see where he was up to.

I asked him how his sleep was doing. He told me he had gone from very poor and broken sleep, whereby he would often be awake in the middle of the night, to a sound nights sleep. And guess what! He was feeling so much better as a result – he now had so much energy in the day time, which was fantastic!

We then discussed social anxiety and his confidence. With enthusiasm and excitement, my client was able to talk through a range of situations whereby both social anxiety and poor confidence were a thing of the past. Additionally, he has made some huge and very positive life changes as a result. As he described the situations in which he has dealt with in a self assured, and confident way, I quietly listened, bursting with a real sense of pride. This was not the same person that had come to see me a couple of months earlier.

We talked through this further, and my client agreed. He said he felt confident, self assured and happy within himself. He was so pleased with the impact this was now having on his life, and where he was now headed. He stated even his close friend had noticed huge changes, and also wanted to talk to me about booking in for sessions as he was witnessing first hand the impact our work was having with his friend!

I would like to add, it is my client who has made the change. He has worked with the tools that I have given him, both in and out of session, and he has applied them to his life. And look at the wonderful rewards he is reaping as a result. I am so happy for him, and super proud.

Sessions with clients are relaxed and informal. Not only do I teach my clients powerful yet simple practical tools and techniques to help them achieve their goals, but I also teach the theory behind why we do what we do. Why? To enable clients to raise their awareness and understanding, which is key to this type of work. In fact, during one of the sessions, my client stated, they should teach this stuff in schools (which I totally agree – more about that in another blog).

Hoorah and a massive well done to my client!

Is there something similar in your life that is holding you back? And what is it costing you? What would your life look like without it? You can’t put a value on achieving such big life changes. Feel free to get in touch for an informal chat, or to arrange a free consultation to find out how I can help you.

Janine has a private practice where she see’s clients on an individual basis. She also works with organisations and corporate clients. She utilises bespoke programmes to work with you in helping you achieve your desired goals and outcomes.

Please contact her direct for more information – [email protected], or via her website – www.changeforsuccess.co.uk

20 Feb 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant / Changing mindset

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How do thoughts affect us and what can we do differently?

So how are you feeling right now? Are you feeling enthused, excited, raring to go? Looking forward to the day ahead with passion and vigour? Or are you feeling those familiar patterns? Maybe thoughts of, oh I’m too tired, I can’t be bothered, its raining again, I’m worried about x,y,z.

Or do you find perhaps mindless worries have been bothering you in general, waking up in the middle of the night perhaps? Be honest now, are there familiar patterns of thought and ways of being you are fed up with?

It is super duper important what we say to ourselves, and noticing this is key. Our inner world (thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc) is a direct representation of our outer world and our own perception of the outer world we live in (environment; anything outside of us). If we keep living in the negativity, guess whats going to happen? – we are magnetic fields (this is what all the modern neuroscientists are saying), we will literally attract what we put out.

We think on average 60,000 thoughts a day. Yes, 60,000 per day!!! Most of these are negative and the majority are from the day before. I certainly cant remember all my 60,000 thoughts from yesterday, can you? Most of them are unconscious. A programme from the past.

This is the advise I want to give you.

Be more mindful of your thoughts. Don’t let them go unconscious, don’t let them go unnoticed. Be aware of them. Take some time to notice what are the familiar and usual ones. I want you to spend little time on you. You can find five minutes a day! Write down what your most common ones are, do a bit of digging.

Then I want you to flip these around. So thoughts of “I am tired all the time” turn to “I am energised”. Thoughts of “I worry about everything” turns to “I am fulfilled”. I want you to then spend time focussing on these thoughts. Let them be your new mantra’s. Let them become part of you. Say them often. Hundreds of times if need be. Either in your head or out loud. It might feel funny at first, uncomfortable even. But go with it. Don’t judge it, just embody it. The more you do this, the more you will notice big shifts. And remember, the mind cannot think two thoughts at once, its physically impossible. This can be a new habit and practice, to create the life you want.

Have fun and keep me posted, remember personal development is the key to success!

If you would like to know any more about how you can make dramatic changes (from the inside) in order to live the life you actually want, please contact me to find out how I can help you.

Janine works with organisations and corporate clients. She also has a private practice where she see’s clients on an individual basis. She utilises bespoke programmes to work with you in helping you achieve your desired goals and outcomes. Please contact her direct for more information.

13 Feb 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant / Support and advice

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So I had a wobble…and it’s okay!

So last week, I had a wobble. A couple of things happened, which shall we say, took me off kilter. I won’t go into the in’s and outs, but I didn’t feel too great for a day or two.

Should you find yourself in a similar position, either now and again, or more often than you would like, I want to help you in moving forward.

Firstly, should I have been feeling that way? The answer is yes. We feel and experience certain emotions throughout the course of a day. Sometimes they are good, sometimes not so good. When we are not feeling so great, we can made a decision to search for whatever coping strategy we think might work for us. We can search for a negative one, or a positive one. The negative one (usually just a short term ‘fix) might be to reach for a ton of alcohol, sugar, drugs or whatever else we might use as a coping strategy that we are familiar with.

Secondly, it is okay to understand and acknowledge that you are feeling a certain way for a reason. Actually accepting how we feel can be so much more empowering then attempting to hide or bury it in any way (which is often what we prefer to do) Why? – because we often don’t like to acknowledge when we are actually feeling pretty crap one way or another. We would rather not look at or address what’s going on, and instead use one of the poor coping mechanisms as identified above, or a trillion other ones I haven’t listed.

So what can you do differently? You can use an option available to you that will support you and allow you to move forward.

For me, it was have a chat with two people. Not just any old people. But people who are in my ‘tribe’. People I know who I can count on, to talk through matters and who will help me identify and work through the best course of action. Those who I know have got my back and accept me, support me and have 100% belief in me. In addition, they don’t judge me in any way and I can be my authentic self.

I can’t reiterate enough that it is so important to speak to someone.

Don’t bottle things up.

Don’t hope that they will go away.

Don’t see it as a weakness to talk to someone. It is actually okay. It will help you to move forward, and it will allow you to feel a ton lighter in the process. Many of us at a young age were given messages that it shows some sign of weakness to admit there is something you want support with, or to talk to others about this. In my view, it is far from a weakness, it is actually a strength! I can’t reiterate and bang on about this point enough.

In the process, don’t be afraid to let go of those people in your life that don’t show a genuine and authentic interest in you, for whatever reason. It’s okay to ditch the deadwood and focus on the ones who are there for you. These don’t necessarily need to be lifelong friends. They could be people you have known for a short while, or those who you network or do business/ work with. You will know deep down who the right ones are, learn to trust your intuition.

Most of all, be you. There is only one of you, everyone else is taken. It is okay to have a wobble. It’s how you manage it that is the important part.

I will review key pointers.
Moving forward –
  • Work out who your tribe is. Thos who support and believe in you. Remove those who don’t. Life is too short, surround yourself with the right people for you.
  • Talk to someone, its okay. It’s better than bottling it up, and they will provide some advise, support and guidance.
  • Avoid the poor coping strategies and work out what your positive ways forward are instead.
  • Acknowledge and accept that its okay to feel the way you do. It will pass, and you will work out a solution to a bigger and better outcome.
  • Take some time out. Go for a walk, meet a friend for a coffee. Switch off, do something that relaxes you and takes your mind off things.

Until next time, stay being awesome, there is only one you after all.

Janine works with organisations and corporate clients. She also has a private practice where she see’s clients on an individual basis. She utilises bespoke programmes to work with you in helping you achieve your desired goals and outcomes.

Please contact her direct for more information – [email protected]

16 Jan 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant / Changing mindset

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Miserable Monday? Sod that, today is Terrific Tuesday!

Hello! So yesterday was supposed to be the most miserable day of the year?

I don’t want to focus on this anymore, I want to focus on how this is the start of a new year, the start of a new chapter, the start of a new focus, goal or success. The start of feeling good for no reason.

In this article, I will touch on why we think the way we do and write about how we can start making subtle changes which will ultimately lead to big shifts. I will also provide you with three top practical tips that you can use straight away.

Unfortunately we have a tendency to focus on the negatives, as this is often innate within us. It’s easier to do so, and what better time to do it, right after the festivities, on the most dark days of the year when the weather is grey and dismal.

Even though negative thoughts are like velcro and positive thoughts are like teflon, it doesn’t have to be like this.

I want you to start focussing on what you want, rather than what you don’t want. We find it easier to focus on the lack, rather than what we actually desire, a common example if worrying about having no money, or being concerned about how we are going to pay the bills – guess what you are focusing on…will it go away when you do so, or will you attract more of the same? Unfortunately, it is easier to focus on the negative. With new ways of thinking however, we can actually begin to retrain the brain to think in different ways.

Why do we do this in the first place?

We are a nation wired to feed off negativity, we secretly love it. Turn on the news, it’s negative, open the newspaper, it’s negative, drive past a big crash on the motorway, everyone slows down to fully rubber neck and have a good look *sigh*

Our ancient ancestors were in survival mode 24/7. They were continually living by the hormones of stress. Today we are no longer generally in imminent danger, however too many of us continue to live by the hormones of stress by thinking and feeling in a certain way that keeps us stuck. So when we have a negative thought, this will release a chemical in the brain, e.g. adrenaline or cortisol. Of course, we all need some stress which can be positive and helpful. However if we are constantly living by the hormones of stress, we are literally living in emergency mode the entire time.

Do you think this is good for our bodies? It sure isn’t and what happens as a result? A number of things.

Often people will only meet absolute breaking point before they secure any type of help. Their back is against the wall, so to speak.

For example, experience a stroke, heart attack, stress related illness. By then it can often be too late, leaving the person thinking, why did I not do something sooner? I often say to clients, how much water can a sponge hold before it all comes dripping out?

It is actually easier to sort something out, before it becomes too late. We have to give ourselves a break, and work out what is more important in life.

To finish, I am going to provide three practical tips which will help you shift your focus and get you off automatic, a way you have potentially thought for a long time.

  1. Practice new breathing habits. Most of us don’t breath properly most of the time, leaving our body’s starved of essential and much needed oxygen. Regular breathing exercises also allows us to slow down, be in the now and get off automatic, our patterns of the past. I want you to focus on your breathing every hour throughout the day. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in for the count of 4. Then hold this for 4, then breath out for 5. I want you to repeat this five times. You will feel automatically calmer and much more focussed and more refreshed when you have finished.
  2. Take more time for you in the working day – 30/70. I want you to practice some self care during your working day. Instead of shovelling lunch down at your desk, go for a walk. The former will NOT make you more productive, trust me. Avoid coffee and sugary drinks and drink plenty of water. Take a break, chat to others, get some fresh air. Focus on a 30/70 balance rather than letting work completely consume you.
  3. Perform a random act of kindness. Do something kind today that will benefit someone else. Make two sandwiches and give one to a homeless person, send an anonymous gift to a friend, give someone a genuine compliment*

*In a recent study which explored the effects of being kind whereby participants were asked to do one kind thing a day, there wellbeing levels were then measured. The results found that people performing random acts of kindness for a week felt less angry, laughed more and felt more energised.

If you are struggling on your own, and need support and guidance now, I can help much quicker than you might think. I am happy to have a chat or you can easily book in to see me by dropping me a message.

Good luck with all the above, and let me know how you get on.

Janine

11 Jan 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant / Remove anxiety

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You don’t have to suffer with anxiety

I absolutely love what I do. Why? Because of this. I have clients who come to see me who have suffered with long term anxiety, some for years, well over ten years or more. Within a matter of sessions, symptoms will shift profoundly.

Anxiety is an area that I specialise in. Clients can suffer with any physical symptoms such as panic attacks, not wanting to go in spaces were there are lots of people, and there can be a number of debilitating symptoms which can have huge negative impacts on someones life.

Within a short space of sessions, I see the symptoms of anxiety within clients who have suffered with this on a long term basis completely dissipate and dissolve. This is to the point where they feel like a different person. Back to their old selves prior to suffering with this issue that has been keeping them stuck for years. How rewarding is that!

I saw a new client recently who had seen such dramatic shifts in another client who I had worked with whom she knew through a friend of hers. So she wanted to come and work with me herself.

Within a short space of time, we were able to start releasing some of those old emotions and patterns that had been keeping her completely stuck. So much shifted and with that a massive amount of relief was experienced from my client.

I often liken anxiety to carrying a load of old bags around. When you come back off holiday and you are waiting at the luggage carousel for your suitcases, you don’t get all the suitcases off the carousel and make the decision to carry them all round on your shoulders for the foreseeable future do you? However, we do this with anxiety, worry, stress and other related behaviours. We are literally carrying round a load of old stuff that we don’t need. And guess what? – That is going to become uncomfortable and painful for a years and years!

Trust me, you don’t need to suffer

Who would make the decision to continue to carry on holding to all this old behaviours or patterns? What is the value to you if you make the decision to let it go? It may feel a struggle on your own, but I can help. You can’t put a price or a value on removing anxiety for good. You simply don’t need it any more.

If you want to know any more about how with my help, you can remove anxiety and all those awful symptoms related to anxiety once and for all, drop me a message, we can set up a free initial chat.

The most common thing most of my clients say is this “I wish I had come to see you sooner”

Janine 

03 Jan 2018

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant

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New year new start! …. or not?

So its the new year, yay! What have you got planned? Have you made new years resolutions? Have you made new year goals? Are there big things you want to do different this year? is there something you want to change?

Is it to achieve a dream? Is it to be a huge success in business? Is it to make more money? Is is to improve your health, confidence? is it to feel less stressed? Is it to have more time or to be more productive?

No matter what we want to change, the start of a new year always seems to be the appropriate time to put things into action doesn’t it?

For example, after all the over indulgences of Christmas, we usually want to achieve a fitness goal – to be healthy, slim and trim. New diets and exercise regimes are therefore big in January. The gyms are packed out with people wanting to put new plans into action and to be full of energy going into the new year.

However, hang on a minute. By February or March – how are gyms looking? Are they still full to the rafters of the same people putting their new year plans into action? Or have they gone a little quiet? Have people slacked off a little? Of course they have! Gyms make a fortune on 12 month memberships, when new recruits only visit a couple of times, or last the whole month of January, tops.

What happened to all those new years resolutions and grand plans that were all in place only a matter of weeks earlier?

Lets look at the gym example again. Most are full of great ideas, then things change pretty radically, they return to what they are used to, not to go to the gym. The little voice in the head will be coming up with a million and one reasons not to visit – “It’s too cold, I’ve had a long day, I’m tired, I will start tomorrow, todays not a good day, I had an argument with my boss/ partner, it’s too much like hard work, its really hard to lose weight” And so on and so forth, you get the picture.

Why do we end up saying these things to ourselves, and why do we often put things off, never to be achieved?

There are a couple of things. First and foremost, it is very difficult to work with will-power alone. This is an area that makes up part of our conscious mind, only accounting for around 5%. Secondly, we don’t like change. It is easier to tell ourselves a raft of excuses, rather than going ahead with the behaviour change we may want consciously, but our cozy subconscious mind has another agenda. On top of all this, we are thinking and feeling a certain way continually. Our brains and body’s are so used to being in this way of thinking, it is often very difficult to break this cycle. Our body is a chemically created, whereby we spend our entire lifetime producing chemicals by our thoughts (*This has been scientifically proven, more about this in my next blog). So what happens is we literally become chemically addicted to our thoughts of the past. You may have heard the term – neurones that fire together wire together.

So it can seem hard to make a change, even though we so desperately want it on a conscious level, our old way of thinking and being has a different agenda.

How do we actually change something we want to, quicker than we might think?

We have spent the majority of our lives thinking and feeling in a certain way (our personality is finite by the time we reach around the age of thirty five). So it’s about finding an easy way to make a change, and not going back to our old ways.

One of the best ways to do this is to work directly with our subconscious mind. We so underuse the power of the subconscious mind. Did you know it is 30,000 more powerful than your conscious mind! So this is the part we need to work with. We need to literally retrain the brain.

Some techniques I suggest you give a go are:-

  • Daily meditation practice (10 minutes a day is fine)
  • Daily use of affirmations – these need to be positive, present and persistent
  • Set realistic goals to achieve on a monthly basis for the year.

I can provide you much more information on the above if you get in touch, or point you in the right direction.

However, a quicker, simple and effective way to achieve your goals and start living the life you want, is to work with me.

“One of the most common things I hear when I work with clients is that they wish they had come to see me sooner”

Sessions are very relaxed and informal. I can guarantee you one thing – be motivated to achieve your desires and you will see huge changes in a wonderfully short space of time.

05 Dec 2017

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant

Comments: No Comments

Christmas – not festive cheer for all
So Christmas is meant to be a special time. The time of year to spend time with family and loved ones, a time to be merry and be full of festive cheer. It’s also a time for reflection as we move into the new year.
However there is often so much pressure placed on us, whether it’s via the media or other channels to supposedly have this perfect time. In addition, there is a perceived need to have lots of additional expenditure during this season.

Christmas is not a fun time for all. It can be a time when certain feelings or past events can be triggered. It can be a time where undue pressure becomes too much. It can also be a time where memories come to the surface, which can make it a testing time for many.

In addition, the weeks leading up to Christmas are the most likely time of the year for relationships to end – clearly additional pressure is being placed on relationships at this time. It is understood that December 11th, shortly coming up, is the busiest day of the year for couples to split up. Data has shown that two weeks before Christmas Day is the day of the year when most couples decide to end their relationship.

The lead up to Christmas also has huge issues for many evoking incredibly high levels of stress and depression. Hospitals and police forces report high incidences of suicide and attempted suicide at this time of year. Psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health professionals report a significant increase in patients complaining about depression.

We live in an increasingly materialistic world, which is so glaringly obvious at Christmas. Whether or not you have religious beliefs, it can feel like the original intent has been lost.

The over excessive commercialisation of Christmas can evoke feelings of needing to focus on perfect gifts, presents and social activities. This can then lead to problems with money and can create issues around debt. This can also feel like a very excluding time for many.

For many, Christmas will be a trigger to engage in excessive self-reflection and rumination about inadequacies as compared to others, who outwardly appear to have more. In addition, many can feel alone and excluded, when this is supposed to be a time for family, get togethers and festive cheer. A sense of belonging can often be lost at Christmas time.

What can be done differently?

Here are some suggestions for what you can do at this time of year to help with the above. Lets ensure this does not happen to you, or someone you know –

  • Check in on someone you care about
  • Take the pressure off yourself – its only one day
  • You don’t need material things to be happy
  • Stop comparing yourself to others
  • Adverts and television aren’t real life – its a clever marketing campaign
  • Be in gratitude and be happy for the little thing that you have in your life right now
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff
  • Lower your expectations as to what a ‘perfect’ Christmas should look like
  • Take some time out for you wherever you can
  • Remember – its only one day of the year! – There are plenty of others – 364 to be exact
If anything in this article has evoked something for you, or someone you know, there is lots of support out there. Talk to either someone you know or a professional. I am also happy to chat in confidence about any issues that might be presently being raised for you right now.
24 Nov 2017

BY: Janine Mitchell

Change consultant

Comments: No Comments

It’s okay to talk about abuse

This time of year is meant to be a happy time, full of joy and fun. However, it can be particularly difficult for some. It can be a time when old wounds can come to the surface. A time that is now now hyped to be a happy time, for families, for get togethers, for peace to all.

However this time of year for many to feel stuck, lonely or in a dark place. It can be a time where many feel they have nowhere to turn or no one to speak to. Familiar feelings can often come to the surface. Feelings such as guilt, shame, fear, anguish – to name but a few.

Many who have suffered some form of abuse, whether that be physical, sexual, or any other type of abuse can often experience feelings of guilt, shame, low self worth, to name just a few. Given these feelings, it is easier to not talk about abuse, so often many keep it hidden, for years. After all, why would anyone who has suffered from abuse want to revisit these feelings, or be re traumatised in any way?

What I have found in over 15 years of experience of working with those who have been abused either as adults or children is that if these feelings are not spoke about, this will often lead to other maladaptive behaviours. This could include addictions, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues and other presenting problems. Often, it is much easier to use these as coping strategies on oder to block the feelings or push it below the surface, than it is to speak about abuse, or open up in any way.

If either you or someone you know has experienced some form of abuse, you will know that by opening up about what has happened won’t change the past. It won’t allow what has happened to go. However it will do the following. It will allow you to begin to acknowledge or understand that non of this was your fault. Whether you were abused by someone you know or know, or by a stranger, it will often be easier for the abuser to direct blame, often towards their victim. Much manipulation will take place, often without the victim even realising it. And then the victim will come to a place where they think or believe that they are in the wrong. They are also likely to think they allowed this abuse to happen, so it is their fault.

I am here today to tell you that none of this was your fault. You did not ask for this abuse, and this was not your doing. When we remain silent about abuse, it often becomes the abusers biggest weapon, as it allows the shame and guilt and abuse all to continue.

Once you are able to open up and speak about your abuse, this can often lead to big changes. Whether it is someone close to speak to that you trust, or a professional. There is always someone there to listen to you. It is also likely you will feel a big sense of relief. I have often been told time and time again, once that abuse is spoken about, it is like a big weight has been lifted. Rather than the worry of ‘opening up a can of worms’ the opposite effect can be had.

In addition, speaking about abuse leads to a ceased silence of abuse. This can be the biggest killer of abuse. The more we are open to and open talking about abuse, then we can feel free from previously being the prisoner of our own past. But please remember, I am saying be comfortable with what is right for you. You don’t need to go into the in’s and out’s, or re traumatise the situation by regurgitating the past. Even the simple acknowledgement of understanding this was not your fault can be a massive relief for many. A stepping stone to move forward.

I would also like to add, if you have not received any professional help at this time, you do not need to ‘relive’ your abuse in a therapeutic setting. There are amazing techniques that can be used, where you do not need to return to or revisit the trauma of your abuse in any way whatsoever. Such techniques can be used in a very powerful way whereby you would not be expected to revisit or be re traumatised my this abuse. These can be used to free you from the past, and to remove any relating maladaptive coping strategies that are being used also. This will allow you to move forward without even having to go back there. So you can lead a life that you completely and fully deserve.

There are many organisations out there that can help and support. Please contact me directly if you would like to be guided directly to those organisations. I am also happy to speak to you in complete confidence. Myself and many others are here to help you, or someone else you know. Either way please contact me via the form below, I will be happy to help.

There is support there today. You are not alone.

Janine x

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