Why is it so hard to change and whats this got to do with the way we think?

So why is it so hard to change? Why do we put our mind to something with a certainty with a strong intention to make a change then fail to put that plan into action?


Yes I am going to join the gym today and keep going several times a week for the rest of the year without fail and become slim and trim. Yep I am going to stop eating all that chocolate/ takeaways/ junk food and improve my health. Yes I am certainly going to stop a bad habit for good because its doing me no good on several levels. We are determined that we are going to make a change and put into practice. Then a day goes by or if you are lucky a week or two, then the same old internal dialogue starts. Oh I can start tomorrow. Todays not a good day. I’ve had a bad day. It’s not the right time now. Its too dark, its too cold, I don’t feel well. You get the picture.


Do you know how many thoughts we think a day?

Scientists would suggest anywhere between 50-70,000 thoughts, so on average around 60,000.
Most of our thoughts are negative (around 90%) and most are from the day before. Most of these are unconscious as we cannot physically be aware of that many thoughts passing through our mind.


In terms of the negativity, this is something that we are predisposed by, on an evolutional level. In the caveman days, our ancestors had to be on alert all the time. This was in order to survive, to hunt for food or to fight any predators they may come across. They were in constant ‘danger’ mode on a regular basis.


In modern day society, we aren’t too often faced with dangerous situations. However we are still in survival mode most of the time. We are often living by the hormones of stress (much more of this in future articles to come). You may be thinking right now, hang on, I think positively, I am certainly not a negative person. I often say to clients have a think about what your internal voice is saying. Notice what thoughts are coming up. Become ‘conscious’ of the unconscious. Also when you hear that internal chatter, honestly, would you be friends with that person? Just something to think about.


Also in our culture, we feed off negativity. Again, this is something we are predisposed to. Too many of us are living by the emotions of fear, worry, apprehension, guilt, resentment or judgement, to name but a few. Often, without even realising, as it has become all too familiar. Turn on the news, its full of drama and despair. Who would watch the news if it was full of happy and uplifting stories? Not many people I should imagine, viewing figure would plummet. Open the newspaper, again the same old negativity feeding us with fear and anguish. If there’s been a big accident on the motorway, most people are having a good look to see whats happened.


So we think the same thoughts and wonder why we cant make a change.

We go through the same routines and behaviours often for years on end. We get up and go through our familiar morning routine. We then rush to get to work, to rush to get jobs done, to rush to get out for lunch, to rush to get home to rush to get the dinner ready so can have time to spend with the kids, watch our favourite tv programme in the favourite chair, to rush to get to bed as you’re feeling tired in order to rush to get up again the next day and hey presto, repeat the very same routines the following day as you just did the day before. All the time expecting life to bring about big changes. You are ultimately predicting your future so your past becomes your future reality, make sense? Why? Because its easier. Its the known. Its familiar. It keeps us safe.


The advise I would give is look at your routines.


How can you implement changes even if they are small ones? Be careful of your thoughts and become more ‘consciously’ aware of what you are thinking and feeling moment to moment. If you are in the familiar cycle of lack, despair, victim mode, guilt, blame, anger etc, take note. Look at how you can shift this around. During these times we are in high alert mode. It is during these times that it is pretty much impossible for change to take place.


Look at ways you can consider to change your mindset.

It may be relaxation, meditation, exercise, anything to get you off the hamster wheel of circular thinking. Perhaps notice how you are thinking and feeling moment to moment and let whatever it is go. It is really about getting past the conscious mind, into our subconscious, our operating system if you will. This is truly where change then takes place. This may be more easy that you might think as we are in and out of our subconscious mind all day. Just remember a state of relaxation is difficult to access when we are in high alert, as I explained above.

Do let me know if any of this resonates with you? If so, I can help.

Janine x

If you want to know more about how change can be made, and often much easier than you might think, don’t hesitate to get in touch.