BY: Janine Mitchell
Change consultant / Changing mindset
Comments: No Comments
I was privileged to be part of the Removing Shame and Guilt Conference hosted in Birmingham recently. I was part of the expert panel and I also delivered confidence workshops.
I want to share with you today techniques we can use to improve our confidence and to understand why we often lack perceived confidence in certain areas.
I commonly hear, “I am not confident”. This is however a generic term. We don’t really mean this. We can be confident at lots of things e.g. Parenting skills, a good listener, great in the kitchen, business success, organising trips, an amazing driver – there are tons of skills we are confident in. We tend to put ourselves down however and over generalise.
Where does my lack of confidence come from?
If we have what I call low self thinking, this will come from the past and is linked to an old habit or belief about ourselves. This also relates to old emotions of the past which continue to play out in the same repeated behaviours. E.g fear, worry and anxiety. We are also conditioned by the past through what others tell us. We then end up believing this and perceive it to be real. Thus creating a “I can’t do it” or a “I am not confident” programme.
Thus it is important we get into the habit of high self thinking, a new confidence programme and mindset.
How can I do this?
It is worthy to note that to change our outer world (our environment, how we are viewed by others) we need to change our inner world (internal voice, patterns, habits etc). Change comes from within. However, be patient, it takes time! Would you visit the gym once and expect to come out with a buff body. No? So perseverance is the key. Allow it to become a new habit, part of your daily routine, and reap the benefits!
Here are a couple of exercises you can try –
Start the day with confidence
It is very easy to get up and moan and complain. Then you will start the day on a negative. Start the day with confidence. Change to your new mindset.
Here are a two exercises I want you to implement –
- Have some affirmations handy, on post it notes by the side of your bed or on your mirror. Think of affirmations that really resonate with you and have lots of energy. How do you really want to feel and look? – Be bold and exciting! Repeat these affirmations over and over as you get ready for your day, let them become your mantra, your new programme for you.
- The moment you wake up (great state to work in) sit up straight somewhere comfortable. Close your eyes. Relax your whole body from head to toe, simply imagine it relaxing. Once you have done this, imagine a confident you (in whatever situation is appropriate for you). How does it feel? Really step into that confident you and brighten up the whole scene. Brighten the colour, the sounds, the feelings, make it as viivid as you can, as if you are really there. Where you are you? What you are saying and doing? What are others reaction to you? This can be real or imagined as the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and fantasy.
Be as bold as you can, and remember keep showing up, persistence is the key! Trust me, you will love the results. I am keen to hear how you have been getting on.
If you would like to know more about the work that I do, please contact me on the form below. You can also check the link to my confidence programme package whereby you can have the opportunity to work with me directly to achieve the confidence you deserve quickly and effectively.
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BY: Janine Mitchell
Change consultant / Changing mindset
Comments: No Comments
This is a common question I hear. I also often hear “I don’t have any confidence”. So many are very confident in the fact that they don’t have any confidence!
The mere thought of not having any confidence is in itself an old habit or belief. Babies are not born with the immediate thought, ‘I do not have any confidence’, this is usually cultivated throughout life. As youngsters we are often told no, countless times. Self belief is often frowned upon as a fine line between confident and arrogance. Sadly, some of the not so encouraging things we are told when we are younger have a tendency to stick. We then form this self fulfilling belief that we are not the confident ‘type’.
I want you first to realise, that you created this old programme by learning it, and then believing it. However, something we have learnt can be unlearnt. Secondly, you can’t be not confident at every task that is thrown at you in life. Yes, you may feel unconfident or unnerved at having to speak in front of thousands, or even half a dozen people, but you may well be very confident in other areas, such as cooking, diy, maths, riding a bike, chatting to others in a social setting. It is therefore important not to generalise. So there is no point holding onto ‘I am not confident’. Full stop. There are plenty of things you are entirely proficient at.
Usually when we are scared to do something new, we feel we lack in confidence. This is simply just a fear factor of facing something for the first time that feels unfamiliar. It is unsafe territory, because we have never done it before. Do you think those who go on stage and perform in front of thousands simply thought one day, I’ll just do this and it will be fine, no nerves at all. Of course not. It took practice. Even the most natural looking of hosts will have done this so many times before.
How can I have more confidence?
Changing into a confidence mindset – some ideas
- If you are unfamiliar of feel out of your depth in a situation, practice, practice, practice. It can take time, effort skill and dedication but it will pay off.
- Change your vibration. We are all part of an electromagnetic field. We are in a lower vibration and frequency when we are stuck in old emotions of the past (e.g. fear, worry, anger, guilt). However, when we chose to let go of negative emotions and remain higher up the emotional scale, e.g in joy, creativity, peace and gratitude, we will be more successful and naturally attract what we want into our lives instead of what we don’t want. Neuroscientists have measured it!
- Change your start of the day routine. Very often how we start our day can dictate how we feel for the rest of it. It’s all too easy to shuffle out of bed thinking, “oh not not Monday, I can’t be bothered today, I’m tired, I want to go back to bed”. If we keep repeating these things to ourselves it can become a deeply engrained habit! Have some affirmations near by you can refer to. How do you really want your day to look like? – even pop some post it’s on your bedside cabinet in direct view (away from whats app/ facebook/ twitter/ emails!)
What practically can I do?
Start your day with a new five minute confidence routine and repeat daily. Close your eyes. Imagine or think about a really confident you (if you really struggle with this, think of a confident celebrity/ person that you admire). Walk right into you or that person. Notice how you feel, notice how you stand, notice what others say or how they look at you. Check our your body language and what your thoughts would be. What are you wearing, how do you act? Really make this scene as vivid as you can. Make it bright and bold, feeling confident and successful in every way. You can repeat this as necessary and you can link it to any situation you want. It might be an interview, a stage performance, a social situation. Whatever works for you. And have fun with it! Keep practicing and please check in with me and let me know how you get on – I’m really keen to hear!
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